Chapter 17 | I love to masturbate

I started masturbating before I knew it had a name. It felt so good to touch myself. I couldn’t wait to have a nap or go to bed so I could explore my body and have an orgasm.

A few years later, a thought crept it. It’s wrong to masturbate. None of my friends seemed to be doing it and no one talked about it. What if it wasn’t okay? What if there was something wrong with me? I got it in my head that “God” wouldn’t be okay with it. Thank God I came to my senses after a few months of abstinence. I pushed the shame away and thought to myself, “I’d rather go to hell than give up orgasms.”

I discovered online sex chats and sex stories when I was a teenager. It was a safe way to explore my sexuality while hiding behind a made-up identity. Inventing stories was a large part of the fun. I eventually moved on to porn, but there’s a place in my brain where my favourite teenage scenarios are stored. I bring them out once in a while.

Marriage hasn’t stopped me from masturbating. I do it just as often as I did when I was single—but not as often as I did when I was a teenager. It’s an intimate moment with me. And I know exactly what I like. My partner is wonderful at pleasuring me in ways I never could, but a quicky with myself makes my day that much better. (Thank you oxytocin and endorphins, you are my drug of choice). It’s important to fulfill your needs when they arise. Your preferred partner might not always be in the room or in the mood. My husband and I are very open about our separate masturbation parties. “I came so well earlier,” is a common sentence in our house. It does not ruffle feathers.

My latest bit of fun is to weave masturbation into conversations. Have you tried it? There’s no need to be ashamed. Love yourself, once a day or once a year, it’s up to you my dear. But learn to make love to yourself, so you can better love someone else.